Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
did i just pee glitter
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
