I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She bit a glass in half.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
