Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
