Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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