My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
