went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
