Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
