Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
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