Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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