You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
