"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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