i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
