Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
