Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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