It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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