So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
