so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
