I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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