i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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