the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
