U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
