Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
