So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
