he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
