ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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