I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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