just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
