let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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