3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
