i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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