oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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