You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
