and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
