My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
