dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
