Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
