I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
