I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
