Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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