Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
