Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
