Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
