it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
