i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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