Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
