hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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