We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
