If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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