Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
