Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
