Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
