I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
